Sore Loser

competitive - adj. 1. involving competition 2. strongly wanting to be more successful than other people 3. as good as or better than others of a similar nature

i am a very competitive person. anyone who's ever played sports or done anything where they're trying to excel past or be better than someone else knows exactly what i mean. it doesn't matter to me, i could be driving down Dr. MLK street and if someone passes me, my pedal is on the damn floor faster than innocent bystanders during a drive-by. who do they think they are? tryin to pass this 5.4 liter triton v8, must be outta their damn mind. even when my girlfriend kicked the dog shit outta me in ping pong, i wanted to smash everything in sight. it didn't help when she proceeded to tell me how bad i sucked. because when it comes to being a sore loser, i'm the sorest of the sore.

i can't stand to lose. nothing makes my blood pressure rise faster than losing or failing. so what do i do when i lose? i become the biggest cry-baby on the planet. i completely shut down and do not want to be bothered. i'm pretty much un-approachable for a few hours depending on the severity of the loss. if i can't beat a song on guitar hero (it gets hard on expert) i usually scream obscenities, punch the guitar and start again, but the hissy-fit is often short-lived. but other times, like tonight, when my softball team loses and only scores one run (yea that's not a typo) in an inner-city softball league, i lose it. not to mention the fact that i played like a Special Olympic decathlete, which makes it 100 times worse. i recently took the coaching job of a softball team and when i react like this, i don't talk to anyone and leave the field as fast as i can, which can be a bad thing. (i have already e-mailed the team and apologized for being such a shithead) not just for the team, but for others, too, like my loving girlfriend. yes, the same one that i have referred to time and time again as the wonderful 'gnat'. when i react like this she doesn't like it, either and lets me know about it which makes me feel even worse because sometimes i yell at her and hurt her feelings even though she had nothing to do with it. bad thing. very bad thing.

what i need to do is find different ways to deal with my anger other than smoking and punching the most solid surface in sight i.e. trees, walls, cars, trunk lids...........damn buckeyes. i need to learn to lose gracefully and not get so down and pissed off about it. when i win or my team wins, it's controlled enthusiasm because i'm not a complete asshole, i don't rub it in, i graciously accept it and move on. now why the hell can't i do that with losing? i haven't found an answer yet, but i'm open for suggestions. in the mean time, i'm gonna go see how many times i can punch the garage door before it or i collapses. thanks for reading, peace and chicken grease -special k

The Week That Was.....

And what a week it's been. well, more like the past 5 days, rather. let's see.......where shall i start. ah yes, here we are. tuesday was your usual, run-of -the-mill day at work. get it, mill? haha i'm a machinist apprentice and i work with cnc (computer numerically controlled) mills. no? oh nevermind, i can tell by that blank look on your head you have no idea what i mean. anyway, work was alright, even though i was beraded by fellow co-workers for a previous post. my boss even went as far to hand me a small ziplock bag with two steel ball bearings in it and said "here, you can hang on to these until you get your balls outta gnat's purse". i couldn't even get mad at the lil' munchkin because it was actually quite funny. a rarity in terms of him making jokes. so i just laughed it and all the other anti-masculine jokes that i had heard off. some were funny and some were so damn dumb i wonder if the people telling them were actually trying to be that stupid on purpose or rode the short bus when they were younger. so that was my day at work only to be followed by a rather disappointing show from one of my favorite all-time bands, tool. yea , that's right, i didn't think it was possible for maynard and the boys to put on a bad show because of the two other times i had seen them, but let me tell you, i spent the majority of the concert with me head so non-challantly rested on my right hand as if in complete boredom. i don't know if it was the venue at which they played or the mass-capacity crowd, but it sounded like a big loud ball of triple-baked shit. and i'm not the only one with these sentiments, gnat was quite pissed as well because she too had seen them at an earlier show and was dumbfounded at how good they sounded live. so all in all, it was a less than mediocre tuesday to say the least.


wednesday was nothing special. just late for work because of the travesty i had experienced the night before lasted until about one thirty in the morning. so i worked until 4:30 and went to school. (see, i go to school to learn more about my job as a............oh well, forget it, dipshit) school was boring as usual, but we left early, which i'm always a big fan of. i came home, cooked gnat and i some fish that was caught on memorial day, helped her babysit for a minute, got a shower and went to bed.


thursday was a long day. i worked about thirteen and a half hours, came home and thought i was too tired for guitar hero. key word being thought. so i rocked out for about an hour or so and gnat brought me home some delicious shish-kabobs from a family barbecue that i missed due to my hellaciously long work day. so i devoured them, washed my butt and went to sleep.


friday was a decent day. work went pretty well and i went to gnat's father's, who's in from panama, 73rd birthday party. man, i only hope to live that long and live such a fruitful and meaningful life. it kind of makes you sit back and take things into perspective, ya know? like "would i still make the same choices and have the same friends if i could do it all differently?" i'd like to think so. i don't have any regrets in my life thus far because everything that happens is for reason, whether you want to hear it or not. and everything we do, day-to-day, is all part of God's plan. and why would he wants us to have regrets or be unhappy? why would he want us to second guess everything if he didn't know where we'd end up? sorry if i offended you scientologist freaks out there, oh wait, no i'm not. pardon me for getting off the subject, but scientology is the dumbest fucking thing i have ever heard of other than people thinking the holocaust was a hoax. your whole belief structure is completely whacked and anyone who thinks differently is probably gay. anyway, dinner was good followed by some delicious desserts such as rhubarb-strawberry pie. never had rhubarb before and it was surprisingly good even though the name makes me think of eating rusty barbed-wire. something also happened on friday that was down right ridiculous. if any of you are sports fans then you saw or heard about the carlos zambrano - michael barret fight in the friendly confines of wrigley field. well, what spawned from a passed ball due to barret setting up wrong for the pitch turned into a slapfight in the dugout, then into zambrano stomping an alleged mudhole in barret's face in the locker room. quite funny, yes. but terrible for a team that started well and is now on the decline as it so happens to be more often then not this time of year. in the middle of a six game losing streak, it just shows that my team is falling apart. not to mention lou pinella losing his shit and kicking a pitcher's mound worth of dirt onto the ump's shoes. things couldn't be going worse for my beloved cubbies. (until today they man-handled the braves 10-1, woo-hoo!!) the are currently 8 games under .500 and seven and half games out of the NL central lead. where was i?


oh, i worked early on saturday morning (yea that's right, some of us have to provide for a family) and spent the day relaxing and napping with gnat and helped her babysit at night. and let me say there will be no little special k's or little gnats anytime soon. i'm quite content with our dogs and they're alot less annoying. which brings me to today.


gnat and i woke up early and went to church this morning, but not before some delicious coffee and the dogs taking massive rhinoceros-sized shits in the neighbors' yards. (and i don't clean it up! haha jokes on you, ya rich bastards!!!) church was good and fulfilling and then came the grocery store. for anyone who doesn't normally grocery shop on weekends : STAY AWAY FROM SUPERMARKETS ON SUNDAY MORNING!!!! it will only cause headaches and your feet will hurt from little old silver-helmets (old ladies) ramming into you with carts because they can barely see, let alone steer. much like there driving, get it? after an hour or so of geriatric park we went to the devil rays game with gnats family and witnessed a surprising, yet impressive win. it hasn't been a bad week, but not that great of one either. if it were all that bad, i'd have plenty more to bitch about, trust me. peace and chicken grease -special k

q: if a tree falls in the middle of the forest and it hits a mime and no one is around to hear or see it, does anyone care?